Would you sign a prenup

B: "Hi Honey I am home. Would you sign a prenup* agreement?"

A: "Why don't you trust me?" 

B: "I trust you but, my love for you is so deep that if things went wrong, I would not want us to fight over money. " 

A: "But I am not after your money, you know that."

B: "Which is why you should have no problems signing it. Honey, you are just putting on paper what you already know in your heart."

A: "You don't trust me?" 

B: "It is not about trust but… "  

This is my feeble attempt to simplify a tedious conversation which has ended many relationships. The underlying issues of a prenuptial agreement  are Trust and Milk - I don't Trust that if things ended, you would not Milk me for all I am worth. Some say "If he really believed in 'til death do us part' , why would he be planning for a smooth divorce."  Or, "does she not trust me enough to know that I would just walk away?" But love fades, people change, and the one who once vowed to honour and protect you can make your life hell. In a perfect world, when you believe that someone loves you and not your money, you should not ask them to sign any agreement. In that same world, if you did not help build the wealth, you should not clamour for it. Unfortunately, the circumstances leading to a divorce can turn the sweetest pacifist into a vindictive wrestler who wants to hit you where it hurts.  Ask anyone who has seen their assets decimated by a former spouse and they will tell you that , a prenup denies equal access to wealth you did not contribute to. In the same vein, if you were instrumental in creating someone's wealth, then you should have equal access to it.  So if you stayed at home to wipe snort, change diapers and trip on toys, a prenup can ensure that you are amply compensated. 

I used to be wary of the motives of any man who seemed to advocate a prenup. This is because when it comes to marriage, I believe in 3 things 1. For better or for worse 2. Richer or poorer 3. If this doesn't work,  I don't need your last name or your money. I continue to believe in all of the above, but I will sign on the dotted line if it makes you happy. Maybe the prenup pill would be easier to swallow if it is approached in a thoughtful manner. If you drop the prenup bomb 3 weeks before a wedding, chances are you are going to meet some Kim Jong-Il resistance. But if it is  introduced when the relationship first gets serious, the eek factor would have been discussed, the necessary amendments addressed and there is no sticker shock. 

Are prenups still necessary when both people are starting from zero? I say no, but my friend Alice says 'hell yeah'. She believes her new clothing line is going to make her rich and she does not want her fiance to grab what is not his.  Prenups are not just for the rich and famous and not all prenups are the same. Some 'reward' you for each year that you stay married, others even have a fidelity clause and make provisions for child support. Now that you have read this, when you hear "Hi honey I'm home… " Relax and call 310-trustnmilk.


* Prenup a legally binding document that states that you leave a marriage with exactly what you came in with, plus or minus a few dollars/ assets that the lawyers agree on

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  1. Hell No Especially when the man is  Tiger W… Why should I? 

  2. The ironic thing is I think she had signed one, but it had to be amended due to extenuating circumstances

  3. How can you trust someone with your body and not trust them with your money?  What's money really? It can be made, lost, stolen…why is it that which is so dear to our hearts now? I won't marry a man for his money, but i will find it insulting being asked to sign a prenup.  If i'm going to spend my entire life with you, and I have to commence by 'proving' my unadulterated love for you, goodness knows how many more things i'll have to prove as we go on.   To me, a prenup is evidence of a 'one-person marriage'.  By this I mean that it is proof that one person has given up all, and another is holding back.  A prenup is simply compromise for the sanity of your spouse, but believe me Amma, as heroic as you sound, should you ever sign one, you can never shake off that niggling doubt that Mr A does not completely trust or love you afeter all.  And what's marriage without trust?

  4. You sign a legally binding contract when you get married …you should look at a prenup as another page in your marriage contract.  It's like car insurance…you hope you don't have to use it but when there's an "accident", you will be glad you've got coverage!!! 

  5. Sandra that is hilarious!!!!!!!!!. but when there’s an accident……. still laughing I wish you could hear me. priceless

  6. Kp. Well said. you almost won me over, but I will still sign it especially if I am marrying someone who is richer than I am. The world is annoyingly complicated and sometimes a prenup can set clear boundaries. Imagine a scenario of woman who started a business with collected capital from family members, on paper she is the owner but she could not have done this without the family. If she meets a man 5 years down the line when the company is flourishing, I will press her to get a prenup to protect this business. Of course it is just money, but 50% of marriages dissolve as a result of money. If you did not contribute to it you should not have equal access to it. But if you helped build it, hey it is for both of you.

  7. If you helped make the money Prenup will never be mentioned, but if you met the person while he had already made his money why should you have an equal share of it? Some women have been able to throw their husbands children out of their fathers houses on grounds that they were now the wife and would therefore not allow their husbands children spend any of their father's money. It's always good for a wealthy man who has other children either from a previous marriage or out of wedlock to have a Prenuptial. If you are a woman and you do not want to here Prenuptial, then please do not marry a wealthy man because from where I'm standing I think it brings peace and it is necessary.

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